Breaking the Chains -- What You Should Know Before You Revolt Against the Empire

We live in a culture of Empire -- perhaps in the final moments of the longest phase of Imperial culture in human history -- and so we should clearly recognize that the central and defining feature of Imperial culture is manipulation. More specifically we might say it's a kind of unholy ternary of Manipulation, Extortion and Control, whereby Manipulation is the driving force, Control it's object or goal, and Extortion the resulting situation that derives from those two conditions.

The term manipulation actually embraces a myriad of desires we might recognize more popularly in concepts like "power", "fame", "fortune", "success", "sexiness", "influence", etc. Extortion is defined as "the act of taking something of value from someone or something by coercion"; a definition which accounts for highly sophisticated actions aimed at extorting labor from people, as well as the more direct extortion of resources from the environment. Control, as was said before, is the underlying goal of it all.

Another observation about Empire culture I might point out is that it frequently seems to signal its "peak" by bringing forth civil leadership which fully and openly embraces this manipulative drive. Because in normal circumstances even self-proclaimed Empire cultures hide behind at least the facade of morality or social welfare or selflessness; yet at some point it seems the society must literally and figuratively come to "full flower" by accepting a leadership that no longer pretends to such hypocricies. And if I might stretch the flower analogy further: it's the nature of the bloom that not only does it mark the "topmost" realization of the plant's potential, but in so doing becomes the catalyst for exhausting the plant's energies and hastening it toward its seasonal demise.

But I'm digressing.... We were talking about manipulation.

Most certainly, not every person in an Imperial society will embrace these threefold impulses to guide their actions by. In fact we can easily see from experience that only a very few actually do. But in an Imperial culture these impulses are nevertheless held in high esteem. And they form the underlying fabric of the society, a constant background against which everything occurs. In this way all individuals become caught-up in the weaving, so that while we personally may have no desire to extort the people of less powerful regions -- or to extort and abuse the Earth -- yet despite our passivity to such desires (or indeed because of our passivity) we are still woven into the overall cloth. The "Chief Manipulators" in society (which, though small in number are implied with disproportionate power via the simple nature of the system) are able to actively define our role for us, so that even by default we play our part to further support and encourage the Imperial culture. So we become "consumers" and "employees", and we learn to identify with the system to become "party members", "patriotic citizens" and "fans".... And thus we might begin to see how a generalized "environment of control" forms the threads in the increasingly sophisticated tapestry of Imperial society.

I don't wish to imply that manipulation, extortion and control are always and inevitably bad things, however, or even that in a proverbial "perfect" society these qualities wouldn't exist. Far from it. But in a culture that so outlandishly celebrates success and achievement and acquisitiveness -- one which in fact elevates these things to the highest degrees of worship and promotes them as a universal "Dream" -- in such a culture these impulses create a profound imbalance in human affairs, such that everything must ultimately begin to veer wildly off-course. And we come to exactly the situation in we find ourselves today: the disparities between the most powerful or masterful manipulators and "all those other people" continually widen until they become downright monstrous.

So how can one break this vicious cycle? Who can we seek counselling from if we wish to heal this dysfunctional relationship?

I don't know about you but for myself, I turn to pop-psychology!

Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D. is the world's leading authority for helping people to break the cycle of manipulation and regain control of their lives....or at any rate she gets the best shelf-placement in Barnes & Noble's Self-Help section. So it can only behoove us to crack a few pages of her latest book "Who's Pulling Your Strings?" and see what beneficial insights she has to offer. Now granted this book is aimed at people struggling with specific, interpersonal relationship issues, but this isn't just a theoretical exercise because as it turns out Braiker offers up a wealth of information to help those of us who sense we may be caught-up in a dysfunctional societal relationship as well.

Right off the bat Braiker sets our expectations for the difficult struggle we need to expect:

"Manipulation exists because it works. The best way to stop a manipulator is simply to disable her tactics--make her manipulation ineffective because you stop complying with her demands, desires, requests, or subtle or overt pressure.

...The purpose of this book is not to enlighten manipulators. I do not expect manipulators to be interested in reading this book. Moreover, I do not delude myself into thinking that if manipulators only knew the harm they did, they would have an "Ah-hah!" moment of insight and decide to change their ways. I know better. And you shouldn't delude yourself either.

Instead my purpose is to describe the motives and mind-sets of manipulators so that you have a better understanding of what you are up against. By increasing your understanding of what makes manipulators behave as they do, you will have a better understanding of why you feel so confused, violated, unhappy, demeaned, and otherwise diminished in your relationships with manipulative people."

Well that pretty much describes our situation to a T.... So since we're struggling to comprehend the Empire culture we live -- as well as the chief agents who are leading it -- let's take a gander at what Dr. Braiker describes as the "Basic Rules of Manipulation"...and keep in mind that you could read the words "manipulator" and "Empire culture" interchangeably:

"Basic Rules of Manipulation"

"Keep these key points foremost in your mind:

● You cannot and will not outmanipulate a skilled manipulator; do not even try.

● Always pay attention to what the manipulator does, not what he or she says.

● Do not inquire why he or she is behaving in a particular way and expect to get a valid, useful, or truthful answer. Remember, "Why" is a luxury question. Do not bother asking the question; when you finish this book, you will know the answer. Just because a manipulator denies being manipulative or disguises his or her motives verbally does not mean that you are wrong in your identification. Do not expect the manipulator to give you an honest answer.

● You cannot and will not change a manipulator by pointing out his or her shortcomings.

● Do not bother telling a manipulator that she is not being fair or kind or loving. If your purpose in doing so is to effect change, forget it; it simply will not happen.

● You cannot appeal to a manipulator's empathy with your feelings. Do not imagine that by telling him how you feel as the victim of manipulation you will accomplish anything. The manipulator does not care; he most likely is incapable of empathy altogether.

● The only effective way to change a manipulator is to make her tactics ineffective by changing yourself. You will not change the manipulator, but you can change the manipulative relationship. When you stop rewarding manipulative tactics by ceasing to cooperate, comply, please, or acquiesce, you will necessarily alter the nature and the dynamics of the manipulative relationship. Remember, if manipulation turns out to be hard work, the manipulator will likely give up.

● Do not put your energy into making the manipulator more aware of your feelings or more aware of her motives. This only empowers her. Instead, put your energy into raising your own level of awareness and into changing your behavior so that you do not fall into your familiar victim patterns and roles."

In truth I could quote pages from "Who's Pulling Your Strings?", but obviously there are copyright laws against that. And while the tone may appear rather strong in these brief passages, again and again Braiker explains that if we're to break the chains of submission that manipulative people weave around us we must begin by seeing the relationship for what it is. Thus striking comments like these abound:

"Just because a manipulator tells you that he is doing something for your own good--or telling you something because he cares enough to be "totally honest" and he says that he has your very best interests at heart--do not believe it. Good lip service is part of the manipulator's tactics. Why do manipulative people often represent themselves as concerned about others, as unselfish and altruistic? Because it works. "
[...]
"The manipulator has strong needs to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with other people. She wants the control she seeks over others to be acknowledged and validated. The victim's compliance with manipulative tactics is the acknowledgement and validation the manipulator seeks."
[...]
"The manipulator views power as finite. In other words, there is not enough power to go around for her to share or to acknowledge and respect your right to be empowered to make decisions and to attain control in your own life. If you are empowered to any degree, this represents less power for her.

The manipulator views power as a zero-sum game. This means that there is always someone who wins by attaining, maintaining, and exercising power and control over others, and there is always someone who loses by ceding control to the winner. There is no room in the manipulator's model of human relationships for a win-win scenario where power is shared or where everyone comes out gaining or benefiting from a given interaction.

If you attempt to exercise power and control--even if it is just over your own decisions and behavior--the manipulator will feel threatened because she needs all the power that is around to get. If you exercise power in your own life, then from the manipulator's stand-point, you are taking power away from her. She therefore will feel compelled to take immediate retaliatory steps to regain control....The need to maintain control over others is frequently manifested by a need to "be right" and to make others "wrong". There is no room in the manipulator's mind for both people in a given argument or conflict in which he is involved to each have valid positions, nor is their room for two different and equally "right," albeit separate, points of view. For the manipulator, only one person can be right--and that must be him....Because control is such a big issue, manipulators tend to dislike any situation that involves ambiguity. They like to think in black and white, either/or terms. Gray areas make them nervous.

...[I]t is important to accept that manpulators look at the world in a different way than nonmanipulators. And in some critical ways, their worldview determines their behavior, which in a cyclic turn, helps to validate their view of the world in the first place....Their view is that you either play or you get played....Manipulators see no other way that relationships operate...they simply cannot imagine their role in a mutually inter-dependent relationship in which there is balanced decision making and shared control and in which the rights of both parties to make critical decisions about their own lives are acknowledged and respected by both participants."

To my mind you couldn't offer up a more masterful diagnosis of the motives and mindset that characterize Empire culture, especially the present administrators of it in contemporary America. And it's important to keep in mind that Dr. Braiker isn't describing people who are clinically ill or overtly psychopathic personalities. She's simply helping her readers understand the true nature of a very specific, very powerful, and very prevalent type of relationship we might find ourselves entangled in. Without assigning blame or judgement, this awareness can help us become more alert to the warning signs and motives that apply when we're dealing with a manipulative person -- or a manipulative system.

"Who's Pulling Your Strings?" was written to help people take back power and control over their own lives--control they often haven't even realized they've lost. So it's interesting to note that the prescribed path to freedom lies in first becoming consciously aware of this often subtle and complex enslavement we've fallen under, then using that awareness to bring about within us a resolute effort to quit participating in the dance altogether. Keep in mind, however, that when a group of people in an Empire society decide to do that, it's often labeled a revolution.

Comments

[Giorgio]

Steven,

As usual, a very interesting, and thought provoking post. I think that you are "right on" on this one.

[nulinegvgv]

she certainly seems to back this site, albeit in an indirect way. steve what about a run down of ways to step outside of the game, stand outside of the empire... deconsume if you will in more practical terms.

[Aaron]

"It's certainly not that every person in an Imperial society embraces this threefold impulse to guide their actions by, in fact we can easily see from experience that that's not the case"

I have to disagree on this point. Virtually every parent in our culture uses manipulation and control on their children. There are other cultures that do not do this and their children are profoundly different to ours. Teh treatment of our children is probably the worst thing abuot us

As a friend of mine said recently; 'I thought I was a nice person until I had children'

[technofreak]

Nice Post dude ;)

I learnt this tactic when I was young - to remove cause for the manipulator to have any affect.

I did get drawn in to the empires' way there for a while until I came to the realisation that I was knee deep in no future. Since then (about 6years ago) I have been removing the manipulators devices so that I am no longer there as a target.

The first major thing I found that removes most of the manipulators strength is to avoid the media esp. TV. I havent watched TV for about 5 years and I dont own one. I dont read the paper-press and I dont listen to the radio anymore either (gave that up 2 years ago).

Funny thing is most of the tactics I use I learnt from the togakure....so glad I spent a lot of time with them when I was young :)

[Peter]

An old philosophy prof of mine said back in 1982, "If you watch a lot of TV, Madison Avenue has your mind colonized." I cancelled the cable after that class and never regretted it. My TV is only hooked up to the DVD player for watching two movies a week rented from Netflix. I can't help it, I'm a movie nut.

When I am in someone else's home and the TV is on, I find it highly irritating. How can anyone watch that annoying sqwaking box? The worst examples are the all news stations such as CNN where the same stories are repeated over and over, ad nauseam. It's like being brainwashed.

[slomo]

Absolutely. I own a TV only to watch DVD's. My partner (who lives in a separate house) has cable TV and the works, but has to suffer without it when visiting me here.

[nulinegvgv]

While we're sharing, my wife and I gave up cable 4 years ago and got rid of the actual TV last may. I was surprised at the palpable sense freedom I felt after about 6 months. I would go a visit a friend and the TV would be on and the commercials were like attacks. I would leave glad I didn't have to deal with that. We have an LCD projector we hook up to the CD/DVD player to watch movies on the wall.

[Chris]

I like the mellow tone and humor with which these basic ideas about manipulation are presented. It informs common sense, without informing paranoia. That to me seems a most powerful (or empowering) combination indeed.

[Mansi]

It does not include the charisteristics of a deceitful personality which might be a better way to label them on a superficial level as to know them right away and protect myself against them. If the manipulator's intention is to manipulate me without me noticing it, how could i possibly know? Are there any weaknesses in their personalities that could be tackled in a situation of self defense? by the way this is an excellent article!

[Dave]

This is a good article about manipulation. I am just wonderin about manipulative people, were they born that way or its something they pick up during the course of their life?

[Michele Chaney]

I have an ex who is a master manipulator. He plays one side off against by lying to both sides. This was so bad that people who don't even know each other are fighting. This has caused us a tremendous amount of grief, because alot of us have done things for this guy. Just as soon as I saw him again he was whining a complaining about the other party, after he stabbed me in the back. I just told him no. He and his crazy mother pull this so much on others that it's close to a hate crime. They seem to want to collect financially off others or get a free ride off others. I have completely closed off any communication with this liar. He doesn't seem to care who he hurts either. He just seems to follow the mothers dictates to get her what she wants in life and to get him what he wants in life. He lived with us for about 2 years. His mother would consistently tell other people we were doing something to him and we were brainwashing him. We were blown away when we found out he was involved in all this. This was really sad for my family. It left us heartbroken.