What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

It’s probably no big surprise by now to readers of this weblog that I’m extremely critical about how corporations have usurped individual human enterprise for their own profits and intentionally crafted an environment of wage-slavery throughout the Western world. The trick of the corporate devil is that he convinced us to relinquish our natural childhood instincts toward a life of challenge, personal growth and self-reliance, and adopt instead a life of consumer debt, 401(k) plans, and healthcare paranoia. When you were young and thought “what do I want to be when I grow up?”, chances are whatever you envisioned did not involve working for someone else. And certainly terms like “cubicle”, “commuter reimbursement”, and “matching contribution” were right out. But along the way our modern schools and corporate-controlled media trained us to sell-out our dreams of an exciting Life for dreams of an exciting Life-Style…to trade the freedom of self-realization for the “freedom” of an Audi A6….

Well its time to put the kibosh on all of that, and to open up the window on a future that I certainly wish my parents and teachers had guided me toward when I was young. This article is aimed at attacking this injustice, at guiding the youth of today toward a better tomorrow, and at re-awakening the long-forgotten hunger for a life of adventure in all of us.

Through original and independent thinking, and with early recognition and preparation, I believe that anyone can learn how to use life, and not be used by it. But we’re not going to find the type of career we’re looking for in the employment section of the newspaper. We’ll need to forge this trail ourselves, so it will be a great help to be clear about what we expect in the way of our new enterprise:

1) It should be lucrative. Not that we’re looking at being multi-millionaires…not necessarily…. But we want to have a reasonably good shot at being “well-off” at some point.  And "paying the bills", at least for the mean time, is one of those things you begin to appreciate more and more as you grow older...

2) It should provide for a long-term career. Let's not fool ourselves into dreaming up any get-rich-quick schemes—we’re aiming at a life-long endeavor. In that respect, we want to find something that "ages" well. I have a brother-in-law who still holds to his dream of being a snowboard instructor. The problem is, he’s in his mid-30’s, so his best snowboarding days are already behind him…. For this and other reasons, strictly physical sports are out.

3) It should be off the beaten career-path. This for the simple reason that we don’t want a lot of competition. Opportunity generally isn’t found in fields that are well picked-over. Acting, for instance, is a career that would nominally meet all of the standards presented here—however the cities of the world are littered with "Dinner Theaters", and that’s because there are a thousand wanna-be’s for every Big Movie Star.  If you don’t have something truly remarkable to set you apart (I.e. a family member already in the biz…), you’re just another lemming in the herd. Or lemming in the pack. In the flock. Whatever…. (Gaggle, maybe…?)

4) We won’t work for someone else. Yes, of course, I know…you're always working for someone else, whether it’s an investor, a lender, or a customer. Mainly, we just want to try to make sure we're independent of the wage-slave trap. Also, we'd like the profession to be independent of having to be “certified” or “selected” by some particular person or group of people (which, for example, rules out anything in high-level politics).

5)  It should be sexy. My personal ego-bias is that we want a job that makes people envisous. I can’t justify that criteria, but there it is…. Also, it absolutely must be a job that gives us great stories to tell. Not that we want to have our life "on the line" all the time, but we at least want a profession which allows us to live a rich, virile life.

6) It should be something we can embark on with a minimum of expertise. In any case, we don’t want to have to get a master’s degree or doctorate and then work for many years building a "respectable" resume. The whole point of this exercise is to jump quickly toward a profession we might begin gaining experience in. Time invariably works against most people’s aims, primarily by distracting them from their aims and goals toward the "practicality" of our situation. “Astronaut”, for instance, is a profession you might imagine would fit these criteria…but one which takes far too long to achieve (not to mention one where the decision to do something "groundbreaking" is ultimately going to be up to a very small number of people).

Now let’s get started. But first, a (hopefully obvious by now) disclaimer: I am a male, so  this analysis is biased in its perspective, although none of the careers in the below examples are gender-exclusive. Hopefully, however, this will serve anyone who reads it, to help them open up a new map of their own  by which they might navigate the course of their lives.

Now let’s run the numbers through our proprietary computer screen and see what spits out….

(Disclaimer: I have no computer screen.  That was a flagrant literary "illusion".)

Treasure Hunter

Treasure Hunters search for ancient, lost treasures—and what could be more romantic (and lucrative) than that! Most likely the hunt will be on the high seas, although you might instead have to hack your way through dense, uncharted jungle, or journey across sand-strewn desert…. But whatever the locale, it’s crucial your enterprise utilizes only the most high-tech, complex, and expensive equipment modern science has to offer....because let's face it, if you’re simply combing a beach or hillside with a store-bought metal detector, you’re not really a “treasure hunter” are you?  No.  You’re an “unemployed person"...a fine line to be sure, but one that a lot of people fail to recognize.

While a few years of college oceanography or archeology studies will undoubtedly prove helpful, the real skill-set for this job is the sheer ability to convince investors to give you money.  Again, and again, and again. At least, that is, until you hit the big jackpot.  Which you must ALWAYS BE CLOSE TO DOING.

I mean, look…someone bankrolled this group of teasure hunters for 12 years!!! But in the end, it paid off quite handsomel.  And certainly enough stories like this come over the airwaves every few years to keep you in the green for years to come...

Key to success: A Good Story.

The treasure you’re hunting should be a vast treasure-pot with a rich, sexy history you can draw out over your years of bankrolling endearvors…something to really stir the emotions. So do your research well, and certainly don’t be afraid to co-opt a Hollywood storyline or two. Also, here’s an excellent vendor website to get you started! Because remember, you're going to need several investing partners, since for things like this no one will want to be on the hook for the whole amount. And remember to convince every individual investor that the other investors (who must remain nameless) are even richer and more excited about your prospects than they are….

Travel Food Critic

Slightly more down to earth, yet this is actually the combination of two excellent jobs, Travel Writer and Food Critic, either of which would meet our criteria on their own…but when you combine them you’ve got real trophy-wife potential! (Sorry ladies…but you get my point…).

The Travel Food Critic cavorts around the world (and believe me, if you had this job you’d be cavorting) eating wonderful food in exotic places all for the vicarious entertainment of a television audience who didn’t have the foresight to make wise career choices for themselves. You need to have a good personality, average good looks, and a gift for gab…so a couple years in acting school should suffice to set you on the road. Also, one nice aspect is that you get to bring a friend around with you…as long as they have basic camera skills. Long-term, you’ll want to aim toward publishing a series of food guides, or maybe start your own International Diners Club card type finance business….

Key to Success: A Unique Angle.

You’ll probably have to bootstrap this project for yourself in the beginning, and then sell it to a TV network. So you’ll want to have an angle or a niche that is interesting enough to make you stand out, and yet accessible to a wide audience. Maybe you could be part of a fat ‘n skinny team of food critics who argue over meals and rate them with either a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. Or perhaps you could wear a bomber jacket with an American flag on it and travel around the world on a Harley-Davidson (hint, hint…corporate sponsorship?). The possibilities are as endless as the free meals….

Archaeologist/Explorer

Again we’re orbiting ‘round the idea of travel. Explorers were idolized long before there were rock ’n’ roll stars, from Columbus to Indiana Jones. The goal of historical “explorers” was to find areas which were already filled with rich resources and diverse, trusting cultures of people—and then sack and exploit them for really big profits back home. In our modern day, however, this type of activity is only acceptable for multi-national corporations.

For us individuals, exploring means one thing: ancient civilizations. And archaeology goes hand in hand with exploration, giving it that touch of romanticism we’re looking for. Just hark back to the plethora of explorers’ clubs that sprung up around old-money, brandy-swishing, leather-chair-lounging men in the early 20th century. That was the atmosphere that birthed National Geographic, which still fawns over stories like this:

"...it was definitely a civilization that covered a large area," said Sean Savoy, vice president of operations for the Reno, Nevada-based Andean Explorers Foundation and Ocean Sailing Club.

The organization was founded in Trujillo, Peru, in 1957 by Savoy's father Gene Savoy. It has brought widespread attention to the Chachapoya, beginning with Gene Savoy's discovery in 1965 of Gran Pajaten, a ceremonial center atop a jungle-covered peak.

In addition to Gran Pajaten, the organization claims responsibility for recovering and exploring more than 40 Chachapoya ruins, including the Twelve Cities of the Condors in 1967, Gran Vilaya in 1985, and Gran Saposoa in 1999.

Key to Success: Sensationalistic Image-Management.

Certainly you’ll want your artifacts to appear in museums, and your intellectual and historical findings to be published…. But the real key to success is Sensationalism. Because let's face it: you are striving for more than just “scholarly respect”, so you’ll need to master the field of public-relations and image-creation. Spread the tales and legends, and exaggerate the hardships and successes; throw hush-money at those who know of your short-cuts and follies. Pay careful attention to your attire and grease the palms of your photographers well.

Then, start an exclusive Explorer’s Club like the one quoted above...by invitation only! And give honorary membership to the action heroes in Hollywood like Angelina Jolie or Vin Diesel, to give the club an elitist image and to help ensure that their paparazzi do some of your PR work for you. With the right marketing you’ll be at the forefront of a whole new era of “cool”….

Youth Hostel Embassy

Traveling, to me, is the quintessential way to bring exoticism and adventure to your life. But in all honesty, there are some people who thrive on just staying put. Well then, if Mohammad won’t go to the mountain…make the travelers come to you!

Wherever it is you live, there are probably going to be people who want to visit there, get to know the people and the area…and do it as cheaply as possible. And the hostel is the answer. Running a hostel offers countless opportunities for adding interesting experiences and stories to your life, and forming relationships with all types of people. The trick is to make it lucrative. And there are two avenues to this effect.

The first is your real-estate investment. As always the rule there is: location, location, location. You'll want to locate your building in an area that is not only interesting and centrally accessible for the customers, but also has potential for growth from a rise of property values locally. In essence, the hostel should be a support for your long-term property investment.

The second avenue is to make your hostel seem like the place for travelers to stay. How you might do this is up to you, but for me, this is where the “Ambassador” title comes in. I would think of your hostel as being exactly like a web-portal, but for real life. You want be the Yahoo! for visitors to your city. Your hostel customers will have many different agendas: some will only show up late at night and be gone well before sunrise, others have no itinerary whatsoever and may hang-out all day playing games and relaxing. But what they all really, really want is for someone to provide a kind of match-making service between them and the experiences they dream of: a customized itinerary in which they are guided to experiences, shopping and social events tailored to their individual personality. This type of service can be had by people with money when they travel to Tokyo or Amsterdam, for instance; they pay for a personal valet, who will arrange the trip and guide according to their desires. Figure a way to do this cheaply and you’d be the international talk of the town. For instance, every place has certain places or things to do which only the locals really know about—they won’t be in even the hippest guidebooks. Most of them are informal arrangements, seasonal events, and don’t cost anything. Get to know what these are.

Key to Success: Open a Bar Next Door.

A bar is the perfect setting to bring together both the local residents and the international travelers. And liquor is a high-margin revenue boost for any business. The locals will keep you informed about what is going on around your city, as well as the newest trends and fashions. And what could be more attractive to these young locals than a bar which is continually frequented by beautiful people who speak with exotic accents and are only going to be in town for a few days….

Extreme Sports Camp

Here’s one for the athletes out there. Let’s face it, professional sports is in its 9th inning...the sports of the future, the one’s young people are playing and embracing, come out of the “extreme” sports movements. I don’t know what the hit sports of the future will be, but if you do, creating a camp that caters to it can make you the center of the universe when it really takes off. Just look at the success of Camp Woodward, which started as a barn for gymnasts to train in, and now spans 425 acres for just one of its three camps….

This type of work lets you live in a beautiful, expansive rural setting. And the kicker is, you’re only open for business for maybe four months of the year!

Key to Success: Star Loyalty.

Whoever the big idols are in the particular sports you host, they need to be loyal to you. So make them feel like your camp is their camp. Name a shower-room after them or something….

Hopefully, even if none of these sample ideas grab you, they’ll at least help you get your own cogs turning. And if nothing else, they may help you to chip away at the calcification of social propaganda we’ve all been indoctrinated with from birth…all those false ideas that lead us to equate “enterprise” with “corporate career pathing”.

I mean Corporations are wonderful things, but only if you own one. The corporate structure helps you to harness the work of a large number of people for your own power and profit. That's always been their purpose, and it’s all they were designed to do, no matter what corporate "culture" they push or what image they pay an agency to craft. So if any of this proves useful in helping you avoid the wage-slave trap, then I've done my job. As the saying goes, “I thought I wanted a career, but as it turns out I just wanted paychecks.”